Tips for building trust and creating safe, open conversations about feelings, stress, and care.
One of the hardest parts of parenting teens is knowing they’re struggling—but not knowing how to reach them. Adolescents crave independence, yet they also need guidance, safety, and reassurance. The key is striking the balance between support and space.
Why conversations matter
- Prevention: Regular check-ins help catch stress, anxiety, or depression early—before crises.
- Modeling: Teens learn by watching how you handle your own feelings. Calm, nonjudgmental listening teaches them it’s safe to open up.
- Connection: Even if they roll their eyes, knowing you’re available creates a safety net.
- Destigmatizing: Talking about mental health as casually as sleep, nutrition, or sports reduces shame.
Common barriers teens feel
- “You won’t understand.”
- “You’ll just tell me to toughen up.”
- “You’ll overreact or get mad.”
- “You’ll share it with other people.”
Acknowledging these fears upfront can lower defenses.
Conversation tips for parents & caregivers
1. Pick the right moment
- Try low-pressure settings: car rides, walks, cooking, or before bed.
- Avoid launching in the middle of a conflict or when either of you is stressed.
2. Lead with observation, not judgment
- Say: “I’ve noticed you’re skipping practice and sleeping more. I care about you and want to check in.”
- Avoid: “You’re lazy” or “What’s wrong with you?”
3. Ask open-ended questions
- “What’s been hardest lately?”
- “Who do you feel most comfortable talking to?”
- “On a scale of 1–10, how’s your stress this week?”
4. Listen more than you talk
- Let silence stretch—it gives teens space to answer.
- Resist the urge to jump in with quick fixes.
5. Validate feelings—even if you don’t agree
- “That sounds overwhelming.”
- “I can see why you’d feel that way.”
- Validation ≠ agreement; it means acknowledging their emotional reality.
6. Collaborate, don’t dictate
- “Would you like to brainstorm ideas together?”
- Offer options (therapy, coping strategies, lifestyle supports), but let them help decide.
7. Normalize mental health care
- Frame therapy like tutoring or coaching: support to build skills, not a punishment.
- Share examples of your own stress management (exercise, counseling, journaling).
What not to do
- Dismiss: “It’s just a phase,” “Everyone feels like that.”
- Lecture: Long speeches shut down listening.
- Overreact: Panicking makes teens fear sharing again.
- Violate trust: Unless safety is at risk, respect their privacy.
For educators, coaches, and mentors
- Notice and gently raise patterns (declining grades, social withdrawal).
- Use private, compassionate language: “I’ve seen you seem quieter than usual. How are things going?”
- Connect to school counselors and mental health resources early.
When to seek professional help
- Persistent sadness, irritability, or anxiety most days for 2+ weeks
- Withdrawal from friends, school, or activities
- Declining grades or concentration
- Talk of hopelessness, worthlessness, or self-harm
- Risk-taking behaviors or substance use
Safety first: If a teen talks about wanting to die or self-harm, call 911 or go to the nearest ER. In the U.S., call/text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Conversation starters you can use tonight
- “What’s one thing stressing you out right now?”
- “If you could change one part of your week, what would it be?”
- “Who makes you feel safe when you’re having a hard day?”
- “Would it help if I just listened, or do you want advice?”
For families in South Dakota (Sioux Falls & Yankton)
If you’re in Sioux Falls, Yankton, or anywhere in South Dakota, Nebraska, Iowa, Minnesota, and Washington, Elevate Minds Psychiatry offers teen psychiatry, ADHD and anxiety treatment, and family support—in person and via telehealth. Fast access, collaborative care, and a nonjudgmental approach help teens and families move forward together.
(This article is educational and not a diagnosis. If you’re in immediate danger, call 911. For 24/7 support in the U.S., call/text 988.)